This should be New Year Resolution

Wish u a peace, love, health etc. etc. in 2013,

fuck that shit type of wish,

WISH U A LOTS OF SEX,

ALCHOHAL,

ORGASM,

AND I hope u win the fucking lottery.

Shopping Mall

Dirty joke _ read at your own risk
 

Boy :- Mujhe Dog Food lena hai.
SALES GIRL :- Kya aapke paas Kutta
hai ?
Boy :- Haan ghar pe hai.
SALES GIRL : Sorry ! Store policy hai ke jaroorat dekh kar item sale karo......
 

NEXT DAY
Boy :- Mujhe Cat Food lena hai
SALES GIRL :- Sorry Sir pehle Billi laa ke dikhaao.
3 din baad boy bag le ke store aaya aur bola: Bag mein haath daal ke saboot dekh lo.
SALES GIRL hath dal ke boli :- Koi Garm, Geeli aur Mulayam cheez hai....
Kya hai ?
Boy :- Ye meri Tatti hai, aur mujhe aaj "TOILET PAPER" lena hai.......

Sex Doctor

A Lady Went To A Doctor For Help On Her Sex Life. Doctor: “Give Your Husband Viagra” Lady: “I Cant, He Hates Pills” Doctor: “Just Put It In His Coffee” Lady: “Okay, I Will Try” Next Week, She Came Unhappy. Doctor: “Was It Not Good?” Lady: “No, It Was The Best Sex I’ve Ever Had, He Had A Few Sips Of Coffee Then Pushed Everything Off The Table & Made Love To Me Right There On The Table” Doctor: “Well, What’s Wrong?” Lady: “Par Jis Coffee House Mein Ye Sab Hua, Waha Ab Main Life Mein Kbhi Apna Chehra Nahi Dikha Paungi“

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Girls Hostel

Height of happiness..
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A boy got a job in a girls hostel..
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After 2 months
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Owner asked:
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Why don't u come to take your salary..??
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Boy: Kya..?
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Salary bhi milegi..??

Jodha Bai ke boobs

To bhaiyon yeh baat hai Akbar ke zamane ki.
Usne 9 chutiye paal rakhe the. Popularly known as his 9 ratans!!!
Birbal aur Tansen me bada competition raha karta tha.
Ek din gusse me aake Tansen kehta hai ki "Ab faisla ho hi jaye ki kaun zyada bada akalmand hai? Main shart lagata hoon ki main Jodha Bai ke mammey choos sakta hoon"
Birbal ki has has ke gaand me dard ho gaya. Kehta hai ki "Agar tune aisa kar diya to agle din bhari sabha mein main nanga aaunga"
Bas fir hona kya tha lag gayi shart.
Tansen gaya bazaar ek sapere ke paas. Kehta hai ki"Bhai, mujhe ek saanp chahiye, untrained aur bina zehar ke hona chahiye".
Saanp khareed ke Tansen usko ghar pe training dena shuru karta hai. Ek aadmi ka putla banake saanp ko kehtahai "Beta Sappu uske tang pe kaat". To sappu putle ke taang pe jake das leta hai. Aise hi training karte karte sappu Tansen ka ishara dekh kar taang, haath, gala, ityadi ko dasna seekh jaata hai. Jahan bhi Tansen isharakarta, Sappu waha das leta. Training karke sappu ab taiyar ho gaya Big Day ke liye.
Ab baat aisi thi ki Akbar aur Jodha bai har subah apne bageeche me sair ke liye nikalte the. Agle din subah Tansen bhi apne sappu ke saath bageeche me ja pahuncha aur jhadiyon me chhip gaya.
Jahaan panah aur begum koaata dekh tansen ne sappu ko phat se nikalke zameen pe chhod diya aur ishara Jodha bai ke mammon ki taraf karke bola. "Beta Sappu dikha apna kamaal ja das le rani ke Mammon ko." Sappu phat se gaya, begum ki taang par chadh ke, mansal Jangho se gujerke chut ko par kar ke seedha ja pahunchta hai mammon ke beech vali khai me vaha se plan ke mutabik seedha left turn le ke chadh jata hai top pe aur ek second mein saali ko das leta hai nipple pe!
Jodha chikhne lagi "Arey jahanpanah kuchh keriye"
Akbar to paagal ho gaya"Arre bachao koi bachao meri begum ko saanp ne dasliya koi Bachao"
Tabhi Tansen nikla jhadiyon se, bhaag ke gaya aur bola"Jahan panah ek upaay hai mere paas rani sahebaan kobachane ka. Mein agar zehar choos kar bahar nikal doon to aap gussa hokar meri gand to naahi katwa denge na.
Akbar bola "Jo bhi karna hai jaldi karo but meri begum ko bacha lo."
Phir kya tha Tansen ne phat se Jodha bai ko pakda, uske kapde fade aur mammey bahar nikal kar chhosne laga. Poore ke poore choos dale.
Birbal ne ye baat suni to uski gaand se maano Rocket guzar gaya. Man hi man sochne laga Bhenchod kal to lut gayee izzat, bhare darbaar me nang dhadang jaana padega. Usne khoob socha, baal khujlaye lekin no idea. Gaand jab khujayee to idea Lund ki tarah uchhal kar bahar aaya.
Agle din darbaar laga, Akbar ne sabke samne Tansen ki tareef ki aur kaha agar tansen me zehar choosne ki shakti nahi hoti toJahan panah aaj randwe hote aur akele apne aap hilaa rahe hote.
Tansen on the other hand cud not wait for Birbal to make an appearance. Khushi ke maare pagal ho raha tha ye soch kar ki jab Birbal bhare darbaar me nanga hokar aayega to Akbar sharm se paani paani ho jayega, YESSS. Aur Wo birbal ke gaand pe itne hunter maarenge ki Birbal ki 7 pushte muh se hagegi.
Tabhi darbaar me hulchul machi, sabne dekha ki Birbalnanga hokar, apna lund haath me pakde, daudta huaaa raha hai. Bas phir hona kya tha Akbar gusse se laal ho gaya "Birbal ye kya gustakhi hai? Teri himmat kaise hui aise nange aane ki."
Birbal bola "Haye Jahan panah mai mar gaya mujhe saap ne kaat liya mere lund pe."
Akbar bola "Oh my god, Tansen ja choos Birbal ka lund"

Marta hua Budhha

Marte Hue Ek Budhe Ne Apne Sare Ghar Walo Ko Ikatha Kiya Aur Salah Dene Laga Ladke Se: “Apni Umar Ki Ladki Se Jhuk Kar Mila Karo Jis Se Usko Lund Touch Na Ho Sake” Ladki Se: “Apni Bra Mein Hamesha Rui (Cotton) Jarur Rakha Kar Taki Nipples Na Dikh Sake” Damad Se: “Chodne Or Khodne Mein Farak Samjho, Chodne Mein Jor Aur Khodne Mein Shor Karna Chahiye” Bahu Se: “Gaand Marwane Se Bacche Paida Nahi Hote” Agar Esa Hota To

“Uske Sabse Jyada Bache Hote Jo Abhi Is Joke Ko Padh Kar Hans Raha Hai“

Pappu ke Papa

Pati Office Jate Hue Patni Se Bola “Aaj Pappu Ko Jaldi Sula Dena, Raat Ko Khoob Daba Ke Sex Karenge” Office Se Aane Ke Baad Baap Pappu Ke Kamre Mein Gaya Aur Pucha “Pappu So Gaye Kya” Pappu: “Daddy Kesi Baat Karte Ho, Mujhe Kaisi Neend Aayegi” Daddy Hairani Se: “Kyun? Kya Hua”

Pappu: “Jise Pata Ho Uski Maa Chudne Wali Hai, Vo Kese So Sakta Hai“